When I was 19, I moved to Canada.

I met two new friends who wanted to help me find a boyfriend.

They introduced me to their friend.

He later became my boyfriend.

Before he met me, he had a crush on one of the girls.

At the time, she wasn’t interested.

After a few months of dating, he and I broke up.

Soon after, they became a couple.

I felt deeply lonely.

And honestly, depressed.

I felt betrayed by people I trusted.

It was one of my first painful experiences as a young and naive girl.

Through life, I learned to become stronger.

And more resilient.

Psychologists explain that betrayal in young adulthood can trigger intense emotional distress.

But these moments often shape emotional resilience and self-growth.

Experts like Brené Brown say betrayal shakes our trust.

But it also opens the door to deeper self-understanding.

The Quiet That Follows the Break

“If they could hurt me, who can I really trust?”

Betrayal brings a sharp shock.

And then a long, quiet loneliness.

Silence feels safer than being open again.

It’s not just being alone.

It’s feeling disconnected from yourself and others.

Many survivors describe loneliness as a turning point.

Samuel calls it a “desert-like” season.

It can lead to transformation.

Or harmful coping, if ignored.

Why Betrayal Intensifies Loneliness

Several forces deepen loneliness after betrayal:

• Loss of trust: You begin doubting people’s goodwill.
• Shame and self-blame: You wonder what you did wrong.
• Fear of vulnerability: You avoid emotional risks.
• Identity confusion: Betrayal shakes how you see yourself.

Michelle Mays explains that hiding is a normal coping response.

But isolation magnifies fear.

And it feeds worst-case scenarios in the mind.

Loneliness as a Signal — Not a Sentence

Loneliness isn’t a verdict on your worth.

It’s a signal that you need safety and connection.

Mays says safe people help soothe the brain.

They calm the shame that grows in isolation.

Notice the urge to hide. Then take one small step toward connection.

Practical Steps to Move Toward Healing

These steps help reduce loneliness after betrayal:

1. Name what you’re feeling

Put emotions into words.

It creates space between you and the pain.

2. Create a short recovery plan

Structure protects you from impulsive coping.

A plan keeps you grounded.

3. Reach for safe connection

Isolation increases shame.

Even small contact helps — a call, a message, a therapist.

4. Rebuild self-trust with small actions

Do tiny things you can complete.

Your nervous system learns you are reliable again.

5. Get help that fits the wound

Trauma-informed therapy or support groups accelerate healing.

When Relapse or Temptation Looms

Loneliness can push you toward unsafe coping.

Validation in the wrong places.

Substances.

Or old harmful patterns.

Ahead-of-time preparation helps.

Know your triggers.

Reach out to a support person.

Use grounding techniques.

Final Thoughts: Compassion as the First Bridge Back

Healing takes time.

It requires honesty, small steps, and safe connection.

Mays reminds us that connection doesn’t erase the wound.

But it softens the pain.

Treat yourself with gentleness.

In time, the distance created by betrayal becomes a path back to belonging.

References

• Samuel (2015). The loneliness of it all – part 2. Affair Recovery.
• Mays, M. (n.d.). Resisting the temptation to isolate after betrayal.